Week 5: Movement Process

Aided Authentic Movement

I played my current pop song obsession (I'm not sure if it's cheating to use music with words, but the song spoke to me!) and stood with my eyes closed. Almost immediately I felt the urge to move rise in me. I began as tension in my arms that grew nearly unbearable. My arms locked at ninety degree angles and began shaking. It was so uncomfortable I had to flail my arms. It is difficult to remember the exact movements or chronology, but there were continued punching and shaking motions as well as feelings of tension. An ache from my chest, which my arms tried to cast out with flinging motions. It exhausted me and I slumped down to a seated position, swaying with my head hung low. There was a moment when I was on my knees, doubled over, and pounded the carpet a few times. Noises also accompanied movements in the latter parts of this process.

Reaction

The ache in my chest is a familiar feeling that I have consciously worked with for over a year. The tension in my arms that caused the shaking seems to be an amplification of a familiar crazy, uncontained feeling of high anxiety with roots deep in childhood and most likely infancy. The pounding is an urge that is also old; a need to beat out anger or beat away demons and those who cause harm. It is also a deep need for something solid to push up against, which would make me feel safe and contained. It seems crucial also that I feel free to release loud sounds in conjunction with the movements. The purging action of my arms from my chest wants to be accompanied by unrestrained wails, yells and sobs.